Experience redefined

So, I after reading one of my friends' post I've decided to take a step and do something that I had been thinkin' of doin for a while...start writing again. My thinkin' behind this is that if I get my thoughts out that I will be able to visualize them and learn what it is that I've been feeling and searchin' for and; put them into action. I am putting myself under observation in a sense. This past year has been an experience. I'm changin' in every sense of the word. It's donned on me that I'm about to be 25 years old and I feel like there are things that I've set out to do that I hadn't been following through or putting enough effort toward figuring them out. There's only so much reflecting you can do, ya know? My focus is on career and future. My spirit is restless and, as each day passes, I become more and more anxious. As nice as it would be to have someone to call my own, that hasn't happened. While I played a major role in that by removing myself from the public for almost a year, I've also been having trouble finding that person that holds my interest, that I feel comfortable with and that I know won't take advantage of me. While I'm willing to compromise, I've found that my standards are extremely high. It surprises me sometimes. I'll like someone, but will only let them advance so far. I guess it's my way of seeing if they plan on sticking around. I don't mean to be difficult, but I guess some things have happened that I haven't properly addressed with myself that won't allow me to just throw myself in. At the same time I've recently realized that I have a really big, sturdy wall up that, although I say I'm open minded and ready for the challenge, isn't going to come down at my command. Career-wise I've been at a job that, while it's a job and I'm grateful, I don't want to be at. I'm afraid that I'm going to get stuck there somehow and everything that I'm destined for is going to go to waste. I know that I have more potential stored up in me than what I am putting to use right now. I just need an outlet of sorts. I know I shouldn't put it out into the universe as often as I do, but that's how I feel. You ever heard of the flight or fight mechanism? Well I'm in flight mode, but something is keepin' me here. Fear? I won't lie, it's def. a part of it. What if I can't cut it? Although I've left my house plenty of times, maybe I haven't gone far enough to where I really have to rely on myself to make it work...no crutches. Perhaps I need to do something drastic, not dangerous, just drastic. I see so much more for myself than what I've got right now, no idea where to start, but I do know one thing...it's time to jump!